3 Qualities of a Worthwhile Relationship
We’re often told that compatibility is the number one trait of a great relationship. Your partner is supposed to be just like you — all the same tastes, preferences, values, goals, dreams… The more similar you are, the more compatible you are… Right?
But what if this isn’t actually as true as we’ve been led to believe?
The belief that we should all be dating a carbon-copy of ourselves creates a LOT of fear about differences in relationships. As a relationship coach, I see the way we navigate differences as a far greater indication of a relationship’s success than how similar the people in it are.
Being able to recognize, respect, and even value the differences in our partner is one of the key signs of a worthwhile relationship.
Another cultural message is that attraction makes a relationship great. The “chemistry”, the “spark”.
The reality is that looks fade. Our external appearance changes throughout our lives, and what we are physically attracted to changes throughout our lives.
So… What DOES make a relationship great?
The 3 Key Traits of a Great Relationship
1. Self-awareness and ownership
Awareness of the pains you’re bringing in from the past, awareness of your own needs, and being able to take ownership and responsibility for those needs instead of waiting for your partner to “just know” or read your mind.
If we don’t have deep awareness of our own inner world, we will project those pains onto our partners and blame them for the pain.
When you take ownership over your own shit, the way you show up in the relationship transforms. The way you feel about the relationship changes, instead of feeling like your partner is the one who needs to change.
2. Mutual vulnerability
The ability to be seen in your humanness, and to see your partner in their humanness. The ability to open your heart and let love in.
If you’ve experienced pain in the past, if you opened your heart and then were hurt, your body starts to associate vulnerability with pain. We need to heal those wounds so that you can access vulnerability.
Vulnerability is essential for deep connection, because when we are in an energy of vulnerability then we’re not operating out of defenses.
3. Shared commitment to making things work
The grass isn’t greener on the other side, it’s green where you water it.
When you are all in, you nurture the garden of the relationship. We need to invest in the relationship, and commit to doing the work to make the relationship what you want it to be.
When you and your partner are both all in, this creates an environment of security, trust, and commitment.
Having Anxiety In Your Healthy Relationship? We Can Help!
For most of us who have experienced relational trauma or challenges in the past, accessing these three aspects is easier said than done. That’s why we’re here!
To learn more about how we can support you in embracing life and love fully, check out our free Relationship Anxiety Clarity Guide. Whether you know all about relationship anxiety, or have never even heard of it before, we’re confident this guide has something for everyone.