Having Relationship Doubts? Chasing Certainty Could Be Keeping You Stuck

Ever spend hours in your head ruminating or researching online trying to find certainty about the doubts you're having about your relationship… only to be left MORE anxious and confused?

In this article, we’re talking about how relationship anxiety and OCD compel us to seek certainty and absolutes when we find ourselves doubting or questioning our relationships. But the problem is… seeking certainty might be the very thing keeping us stuck.

Even if you don’t identify with labels like “relationship anxiety” or “rOCD,” this article will offer help and guidance for anyone who as ever doubted or questioned their relationship.

Relationship Anxiety Demands Certainty

So much of relationship anxiety and OCD (or rOCD) is driven by the fear of the unknown. There is this need to be certain, to know the future, to have the perfect answer, or to be right. Relationship OCD specifically is driven by the belief that if you don’t have certainty, something bad will happen to you or your relationship.

In response to this fear of uncertainty, the mind seeks control. It does this by overthinking and overanalyzing. We think we can overthink our way into that perfect, certain answer that will eliminate all doubt and discomfort.

We might even try to find certainty by seeking external validation from others.

What do your friends have to say? What does the internet have to say? You might even end up on sites like Reddit seeking answers and clarity.

We believe that if only we had certainty, then we would be okay… Our relationship would be safe, and we wouldn't ever get hurt.

But this is a huge part of what is keeping you trapped in the loop of relationship anxiety and OCD.

The Never-Ending Search for Certainty Keeps Us Trapped in Anxiety

Very little is certain in life — and relationships are no exception.

Human relationships are complicated and messy. There are no black and white answers about whether or not we are in the “right” or “best” relationship. We will never know whether our partner is truly “the one” or if “the one” even exists. No matter how hard our brains try to convince us that we can find this certainty if we just try hard enough… It’s not true.

Lean Into Self-Trust Instead

Instead of trying to find safety through certainty, turn inward. By cultivating self-trust and grounding into the belief that you will be okay regardless of your choice of who to be in a relationship, your anxiety may start loosen its grip.

Most of us haven’t been taught how to trust ourselves. We’re taught to trust other people, to default to the guidance of others instead of believing in our own inner wisdom and security.

But self-trust is a skill you can learn. Once you have a foundation of self-trust, you can embrace the uncertainty of life and move into the unknown. Then you can finally flow with life instead of trying to hold onto certainty and control.

Work With Healing Embodied

If you want to build self-trust and step into deeper confidence in your relationship, reach out to schedule a free clarity call with one of our practitioners, or check out our self-paced courses and group programs.

We look forward to helping you find peace within the unknown.