The Real Reasons You Keep Comparing Your Relationship to Others

Have you ever found yourself comparing your relationship to ones you see on social media?

You see a couple post a picture, and they look obnoxiously in love. Ugh…

Then, you might start scanning your own relationship, wondering why you don't feel as in love as they look.

You might worry you're with the "wrong" person, since you're not constantly gushing over each other like that couple on Instagram. 

Or maybe you see a post about a couple that just broke up, despite seeming so happy. Your mind starts racing yet again, scanning your relationship for similarities that might lead to your own break up.

These comparisons can happen in an instant, without your control. Next thing you know, you're panicking. Your body is filled with anxiety.

You might even start believing you have to leave your relationship.

But why does all of this happen? What takes you from scrolling on social media one moment to feeling convinced you need to break up with your partner the next?

Let’s look at two potential reasons why…

2 Reasons You Compare Your Relationship to Others

1. You don’t trust yourself.

You learned somewhere in life that you have to look outside of yourself for guidance about what’s acceptable and okay. You learned that you can't trust your own choices, judgments, and decisions and that who you are and what you choose is not acceptable. This could be the result of a strict upbringing or a strong religious background.

Now, when it comes to your relationship, you rely on external standards (like social media) to tell you whether or not your relationship is right for you. If your relationship doesn't look like what you see on the screen or in other people’s lives, you start thinking there must be something wrong…

So, you obsessively try to make sure your relationship meets all these external standards in an attempt to feel like you’ve made the right decisions for your life.

2. You’re being guided by fear.

If one of your biggest fears is ending up in the wrong relationship or having to leave your partner, your mind will constantly scan for signs that something could go wrong. You’re seeing the world — and your relationship — through the lens of this fear.

When you see someone else go through a break up, your mind races to find out if your relationship might be in danger too. Since your fear system is activated, your brain, body, and senses will feel particularly sensitive to these potential signs or threats. So even if everything felt fight a minute, you might suddenly start seeing problems arise. The more fearful you become, the more activated your nervous system gets; and the more activated you are, the more likely you are to perceive a threat.

I Questioned My Relationship Too

If this is you, I know exaaaaactly how you feel. I used to experience INTENSE anxiety during the first two years of my relationship, until I started shifting my relationship to fear and self-trust…

I had to learn to trust my decision to be with my partner.

I had to choose to believe that it was OKAY for my relationship to not look like anyone else's.

I also had to develop the skills my body needed to believe that I was safe, even when others around me were going through breakups.

I had to know how to turn toward myself instead of others for approval and acceptance and create my own standards of what a healthy relationship looks like.

Break Free of the Comparison Trap With Healing Embodied

Almost ten years into my relationship with my now-husband, I no longer struggle with comparison. By learning how to work with my body, not against it, and encounter my fears and shadows, I developed the skills I need to step into my relationship with two feet and FULLY commit.

Now, I teach my clients how to do this too, so that they can feel solid in their relationships instead of constantly comparing. My clients learn that they can be empowered in their choices to be with their partners, even if it looks NOTHING like what they see on social media.

If you're stuck in the comparison trap and ready to feel confident in your relationship with your loving partner, apply to work with us at Healing Embodied by scheduling a free clarity call or exploring our courses and programs. As a collective of trained relationship and embodiment coaches, we can’t wait to help you dive into self-trust and step more fully into the love in your life.