3 Reasons You’re Having Relationship Doubts (That Have Nothing to Do With Your Partner)

Being bombarded with doubts about your relationship can feel terrifying, especially when you know you have something worthwhile right in front of you. It can be so confusing and dizzying as you do mental gymnastics, trying to figure out why you’re having all these doubts and what they mean for your relationship.

You might be having doubts like:

• Are we compatible enough?

• What if we’re too different?

• Should I be with someone more [attractive, intellectual, creative, spiritual, etc.]?

• What if this doesn’t work out down the road?

• How can I know for sure this person is “right” for me?

The list of potential doubts goes on and on.

Many people who experience these types of doubts begin to panic, believing it must mean they have to leave. Society and media don’t really help in this department either. We often hear things like, “Doubt means don’t,” or, “When you’re with the one, you won’t have any doubts.”

This sense of panic may lead you to searching the internet for answers or asking your friends and family members what they think - all in an attempt to “figure out” what these doubts are about.

3 Potential Reasons You’re Having Relationship Doubts

It’s easy to believe there’s something wrong with your relationship if you experience doubt. But, if you’re in a relationship with a caring, supportive, loving partner, your doubts don’t automatically mean you HAVE to leave (despite what the online quizzes and IG influencers might be telling you).

Here are 3 reasons you may be doubting your relationship that have NOTHING to do with your partner:

1. You experience a lot of self-doubt.

   Are you the type of person that second-guesses everything? Do you spend way too much time looking at a menu to decide what to order? Do you put a lot of weight on your decisions? Are you afraid of making a mistake?

   
   If you answered ‘yes’ to any of these, you may just be the over-analytical type. You rarely make decisions on a whim, and you lack confidence in your ability to do so.

   
   I get it - I used to be that way too! It would take me so long to make decisions. I would have to ask everyone their opinion first. I doubted my ability to make good choices for myself. I feared that I would make a mistake and be doomed to a life of misery. So, I would overthink EVERY decision.
   
   And this naturally spilled over into my relationship. I didn’t trust myself and my choices, so that manifested as overthinking every little thing in my relationship in order to “make sure” I wasn’t choosing the “wrong” person.

2. You’ve been hurt in past relationships.

   If you’ve been burned in a past relationship, your unconscious mind may be hypervigilant to potential pain and danger in your current relationship - even if your current partner is NOTHING like your ex.
   
   Your mind is likely scanning the relationship for “signs” of potential harm as a way of protecting you, which leads to overanalyzing every trait in your partner. Your mind wants to “make sure” you’re not going to end up in a situation like the last one.
   
   When your mind is scanning your partner through this lens of fear and pain, it amplifies every little flaw that your partner or relationship has and turns it into something major. The doubts you’re experiencing in your current relationship may very well be projections and fears from the past.

3. You’re holding your relationship to unrealistic standards.

   Media is constantly feeding us standards, expectations, and ideals about relationships. We see them in movies, on TV shows, and on social media constantly.
   
   But what’s often shown to us is not realistic. These perfectly curated relationships are not accurate representations of real, human, everyday relationships. Why? Well… real, human, everyday relationships are not that entertaining.
   
   No one wants to watch a movie about a couple going to the grocery store and having a mundane conversation about what to make for dinner. We want to see excitement, passion, drama, romance! But everyday life doesn’t look like the movies.
   
   If you believe relationships should look like what you see in the media, OF COURSE you’re going to doubt if your relationship is “good enough.” You may have the most loving, caring partner, but let’s be real - they’re never going to be an airbrushed celebrity full of witty, romantic one-liners.

Embracing Relationship Flaws Can Open the Door to Deeper Love

Being able to embrace the love that’s right in front of you instead of constantly doubting is going to take some work.

You must learn how to trust yourself and take the risk of love! You must grieve the pain of past relationships so you can see your partner with clear eyes. And you must unlearn all these unrealistic expectations about love and learn to write your own love story.

Once you do this, you’ll be able to have gratitude and appreciation for the amazingly imperfect human who chooses you every day.

Of course, this doesn’t happen overnight. There’s a lot of unlearning and re-learning that has to take place first, which takes time and conscious intention.

BUT IT’S POSSIBLE!

I was the queen of doubting my relationship. And now, I feel so unbelievably thankful that I get to do this boring, messy, crazy life with my person.

Want to Stop Overthinking Your Relationship?

If you want to get support with this and are ready to commit to making these changes in yourself and your relationship, apply to work with our team of Healing Embodied therapists. You can apply online any time here: APPLY

Together, we’ll pinpoint why you’re experiencing so much doubt about your relationship and what you need to do in order to embrace the love that’s right in front of you.