Your relationship isn’t here to save you

Society has handed us a fantasy that once you are in a romantic relationship with the “right” person, you will never feel uncomfortable feelings again. You’ll never feel lonely, insecure, or bored. The “right” relationship will rescue you from the things that you experienced before being in a relationship. 

Society has made us believe that a romantic relationship will somehow save us from the darker aspects of the human experience. 

In the beginning of a relationship, many people (but not everyone!) have this intense dopamine hit where it feels as though the fantasy in their mind actually matches their external reality.

But as the relationship evolves, you start to see that you’re with an imperfect person who has their own insecurities, their own flaws.

Suddenly, the fantasy you had about the relationship begins to crumble, and we’re met with the realities of being a real, messy, raw human in a relationship with another real, messy, raw human. 

This is where the anxious brain often goes “This relationship must be wrong. If I’m feeling uncomfortable, that must mean this isn’t the right relationship…because the right person wouldn’t make me feel this way.”

And for many of us…we run. 

We throw away worthwhile, healthy love, simply because it no longer matches a fantasy we’ve been handed.

We believe that the fantasy partner we had in our head, the fantasy relational experiences we had in our head, are better than the human reality experiences. 

But in reality, those uncomfortable experiences are the opportunity to grow. To mature. For love to move to a deeper stage that isn’t just dependent on a fantasy.

As long as we are continually rejecting discomfort in the context of relationships, the longer we are delaying our own growth. Our own discovery of all that love can be, beside just that fantasy.

A worthwhile relationship is not one that saves you from the realities of being a human. A worthwhile relationship is one that supports you in your own growth. It gives you the safety to explore your own beliefs, your inner world. 

What if love - real, human love - was better than the fantasy?

More multifaceted, and had more depth, more flavor and nuance to it. 

What if the real human version of love and relationships gave you the opportunity to be a version of yourself that you never thought possible?

If you want to learn how to feel safe in ALL aspects of your human experience, and no longer rely on a fantasy to feel love, check out our website for all the ways we can support you in this!