The Surprising Secret to Being an Effective Therapist (And Why It Works)
What makes a truly effective therapist or coach?
Is it their modality? How long they’ve been in practice? Their résumé?
Sure—those things can definitely speak to a therapist’s professionalism. They might even play a major role in how a therapist attracts clients.
But there’s one characteristic that rises above the rest when it comes to cultivating effective therapist-client relationships. And it might surprise you.
During my therapy training, I remember being taught that in order to provide effective therapy to my clients, I had to be a “blank slate.” I couldn’t let them see too much of who I really was. I had to fit myself and my humanness into the squeaky clean “therapist” box.
Many therapy training programs teach this same idea, but something about it never sat well with me.
In fact, in my work with thousands of actual humans, I have found the opposite to be true.
So, what makes your work as a therapist most effective?
Your ability to be authentic. To be human.
5 Ways Authenticity Can Make You a More Effective Therapist
I know… This idea contradicts most mainstream information about therapeutic approaches. So let’s dive into the “why.”
Here are five reasons authenticity makes your work as a therapist more effective:
1) Being authentic shows your clients it’s okay to be human.
When therapists put on the “clinician” mask, it’s easy for our clients to believe we don’t go through the same things they do. The classic therapist-client relationship leaves clients with the sense that we are somehow above the human experience. But this is (of course) completely untrue.
When a client believes their therapist is “perfect” or “fully healed,” this can subconsciously create an environment where shame can take root. Intentionally or otherwise, your client may compare themselves to their perception of you, leaving them feeling broken in their own imperfect experience.
But when you allow yourself to be authentic, you show your clients you’re just as human as they are. When your clients get to experience a more authentic dynamic in their relationship with you, they can see that their experiences and emotions don’t make them bad or wrong—they simply make us all human.
Humanist psychologist Carl Rogers, founder of person-centered therapy, wrote in his book On Becoming a Person, “The more I can be genuine in the [therapeutic] relationship, the more helpful it will be. […] It seems extremely important to be real.”
As a therapist, your work is about helping your clients fully embrace their humanity with curiosity, acceptance, and compassion. You embody and model these values as you allow yourself to show up authentically in your practice.
2) Authenticity builds trust.
By modeling authenticity, your clients can trust it’s safe for them to be authentic too.
They won’t be worried about being a “good client” for you. Instead, they’ll trust they can come as they are and that you’ll meet them there—even if that means bringing heavy, dark shadows or big, chaotic messiness into the room.
But if your clients experience you as a distant, cold clinician, they may question your ability to hold and honor what they bring into a session. Subconscious fears of being judged or misunderstood may lead clients to hold back the most vulnerable parts of themselves.
By showing up authentically, you demonstrate to your clients that you’re walking alongside them in this wild human experience. Through this solidarity, your clients are more likely to trust on a subconscious and emotional level that the complexity of their humanity is safe with you.
3) You will be able to dive deeper with your clients.
When a client doesn’t fully trust their therapist, they’re less likely to bring the real stuff into sessions.
Things like shame, “big T” trauma, or anything they’re convinced no one else in the world experiences might get conveniently left out of the conversation.
But the real stuff is where the real work happens.
By embodying authenticity in your practice, you cultivate trust with your clients. And by cultivating trust, you create a safe and strong container where your clients can courageously explore themselves and their struggles.
Without this foundation of authenticity and trust, your ability to dive deep with your clients may be hindered, and you might not get at the root of what’s really going on for them.
If your goal is to help your clients safely explore their shame stories, shadows parts, and core beliefs, showing up with authenticity is a key step in this process.
4) Authenticity lets you have a greater impact on your clients.
First, we looked at how authenticity builds trust.
Then, we talked about how trust creates space for courageous honesty.
And what do courageous honesty and deep exploration in therapy lead to? Powerful, impactful experiences for your clients.
When you allow yourself to be who you are, rather than trying to fit yourself into the rigid box of what you think a practitioner “should” be, your magic shines through and your clients receive a more potent version of your work.
But it isn’t just about the seriousness of trust and diving into the darkness of shadow work.
Being authentic in your practice is also about the value of bringing fun, joy, humor, and silliness into your client relationships.
Those “quirks” of yours become the very reasons your clients choose you to support them in their healing. Just as a client might value a therapist who can mirror and meet them in their sadness and grief, they will also value a therapist who can meet them with laughter and goofiness at the right moment.
By embodying the unique elements of who you are, your client can fully believe you aren’t just regurgitating a theory from a textbook. They can sense that the work you do is an extension of who you really are, leaving them feeling truly cared for.
5) Your work will feel more fulfilling (and fulfilled people are better at what they do).
The benefits of authenticity in the therapeutic relationship go both ways: The more authentic you are, the more fulfilling your work will feel for both you and your clients.
And while some may argue that you feeling good shouldn’t be the goal or focus of your practice… I disagree.
Because when you feel good about what you do (and how you do it), you significantly deepen your sense of fulfillment and connection to your work, which in turn makes you more effective.
The connection between happiness and effectiveness at work has been studied extensively, with research emerging over the last decade that confirms this correlation. One major 2015 study from the University of Warwick in the UK found that people who are happy in their jobs are 12-13% more effective at what they do.
When you’re connected to your authenticity, you can show up for your clients with more congruence, integrity, and empowerment, leading to better results for your clients and a more satisfying relationship to your work.
Unlocking Authenticity in Your Therapy Practice
Even when you’re working within a particular therapeutic modality or coaching framework, your authentic self holds the key that unlocks your unique genius. And your uniqueness is what can take your work to the next level.
I want future generations of coaches, therapists, and practitioners to know they don’t have to fit themselves into a role that chokes out their vibrance, creativity, and originality. This just leads to unhappy or underwhelmed people on both sides of the practitioner-client relationship.
While some therapists or therapists-in-training might worry that being too authentic in their practice could lead to breaches of trust or ethics, there is a way to be authentic that doesn’t sacrifice your principles or professionalism or the safety of the therapeutic relationship.
This is a key pillar of the Healing Embodied Practitioner Training Program.
The Healing Embodied Practitioner Training Program
Our Practitioner Training Program is a first-of-its-kind accredited certification combining somatic work, embodiment, creative expression, parts work, inner child work, and shadow work.
This year-long program will help you discover your unique magic as a practitioner and move away from the copy-and-paste practitioner model.
Our next cohort begins February 2025. To get all the details and next steps, hop on our waitlist!