When FOMO Makes You Doubt Your Loving Relationship
We’ve all heard about FOMO—the “fear of missing out.”
FOMO can show up in big and small ways, leaving us second-guessing everything from our restaurant choices to our social lives.
But when FOMO shows up in a romantic relationship, it can create immense stress, sadness, confusion, and anxiety.
The fear of missing out in a relationship can sound like…
“What if there’s someone better out there for me?”
“What if I would be happier in a different relationship?”
“What if I’m not having enough fun in my relationship?”
“What if I’m settling?”
Noticing a theme here?
That’s right: They all start with that pesky “what if?”
If you’re going through this right now: You’re not alone. FOMO is an extremely common experience in healthy, loving relationships (despite what social media and mainstream relationship advice might have you believe).
So take a breath, invite your humanness to the table, and let’s talk about how and why FOMO shows up in our relationships, why it’s totally normal, and how to cope.
How the Fear of Missing Out Affects Our Relationships
Struggling with frequent FOMO in a relationship can be extremely distressing, and it can impact the quality of your relationship over time. For some people, FOMO might show up alongside other aspects of relationship anxiety or OCD (ROCD).
No matter your situation, experiencing FOMO in your relationship can lead to things like…
Persistent Doubt
When we consistently fear we’re missing out on other relationships, experiences, or feelings, we can get stuck in a state of constant questioning and doubt. And since experiencing doubts in a relationship is heavily stigmatized, this can also easily lead us into places of shame.
Comparison
When we’re afraid of “missing out,” we compare our relationships to other people’s relationships and our partners to other people’s partners. We may even compare our partners to our exes, fearing we may have missed out by leaving a past relationship behind.
For those with avoidant attachment styles, comparison might even show up as comparing the experience of being in a relationship with the idea of being single.
Getting stuck in the comparison trap is another very common relationship experience, but it can also create immense anxiety or shame, especially if it becomes compulsive.
Obsession / Fixation / Rumination
When our fears of missing out really dig in their claws, they can become obsessive, leading us to fixate and ruminate on the things we fear we’re missing out on—whether that’s another partner or a chance to live “the single” life.
This level of fixation can begin to interfere with our lives, not only impacting the quality of our partnerships, but also making it harder for us to enjoy and be present for other relationships, commitments, and passions.
Why Does FOMO Show Up in Healthy Relationships?
When FOMO shows up in our relationships, it’s so easy to immediately wonder, “What does it mean?”
We want answers! We want solutions! —> But all FOMO really “means” is that some part of us is feeling afraid.
So, is “missing out” really what we’re afraid of? And if so, why are we afraid of missing out anyway?
Fear of Uncertainty
When we look at it through the lens of psychology, it’s actually fairly easy to explain why FOMO shows up in relationships…We fear missing out because we’re afraid of uncertainty and the unknown.
Here’s the thing: Missing out is unavoidable. We can’t choose and live multiple realities at the same time.
So no matter what choice we make, we miss out on something—and that “something” becomes an unknown. A source of uncertainty. An unexplored “what if.”
Lack of Self-Trust
When we don’t trust ourselves, we struggle to trust our choices.
A lack of self-trust can be caused by many different things, but most of us just aren’t taught how to trust ourselves. Instead, we’re taught to default to other people’s opinions and perspectives.
Cultivating trust in ourselves is a key part of owning our choices and leaning into our relationships, even when inevitable doubts and fears arise.
The Grass Is Always Greener
When we fear we may be missing out on life because of our relationships, it’s possible that a “grass-is-always-greener” mentality is at play.
When we buy into the belief that the other choice is always the better one, or that everyone else around us has it better off than we do, we keep ourselves stuck in a state of perpetual dissatisfaction and indecision.
We struggle to fully commit to and embrace our current partners, because our brains are busy fixating on all the things we don’t have. All the paths we didn’t choose to follow.
Gradually unlearning this grass-is-greener mindset helps us release from the grip of FOMO and find deeper peace and satisfaction in our relationships.
Paradox of Choice
A term coined by psychologist Barry Schwartz, the paradox of choice refers to the indecision, inaction, and dissatisfaction we experience when presented with an overabundance of options.
And in the ultra-connected modern world we all live in, we’re presented with seemingly infinite potential partners.
Especially if we spend a lot of time on social media, or if we have a history of swiping on dating apps, our brains can start believing we have the “pick of the litter” when it comes to a partner.
But what Schwartz and other researchers have found when studying the paradox of choice is that having too many options actually makes it harder for us to make decisions and feel satisfied with the decisions we make.
The more choice we have, the more likely we are to fear making the wrong choice.
While we can’t change the fact that we live in a choice-abundant world, we can work to become more aware of the way this choice dilemma affects us and our relationships.
Core Fears
While all humans struggle on some level with the fear of uncertainty, your own core fears may also play a part in triggering FOMO in your relationship.
Intrusive thoughts like, “What if I’m settling?” or, “What if I’d be happier in a different relationship?” could point to fears rooted in existing relationship stories in your life.
For example, if you were raised by parents who were clearly unhappy and stayed together despite feeling unfulfilled or unsupported, you might struggle with a pronounced fear of “settling” or staying in a relationship at the expense of your happiness.
This core fear could lead to a sense of protectiveness, anxiety, or doubt when you see a social media post that makes someone else’s relationship look “more fun” or “more fulfilling” than yours.
Exploring the deeper nature of your own “what if’s” can help you better understand the fears beneath your FOMO.
Break Up With FOMO and Choose Love Over Fear
The Healing Embodied programs, courses, workshops, and guides are specifically designed for people who experience persistent relationship anxiety, whether you’ve been diagnosed with OCD or just want to cultivate deeper trust and confidence in your relationship.
Using embodiment, creative expression, and somatic therapy, we help you safely and lovingly get to know your emotions so you can move away from constant questioning and doubt to start actively choosing love and presence with your partner.
If you think our resources could be supportive for you, apply for a free clarity call to learn more about our offerings.